Johnny Detroit – The Detroit Observer
Lansing — On Wednesday, Governor Gretchen Whitmer unveiled her new plan on easing the lockdowns for Michigan residents.
Said Whitmer, “Beginning Monday, May 10th, my fans may be allowed to leave their homes if they call me first to ask permission.”
When pressed for more information, the governor added, “Now, I’m not saying everyone who calls will get permission. That will be on a case by case basis. If you call me because you want to buy groceries or take someone to the hospital, I may not approve. But if you want to get to a strip club, or if you’re related to me, I’ll probably give you permission to do what you want. Just sayin’.”
When asked what will happen to the armed militias that the governor has placed in front of all Michigan residents’ houses to prevent them from leaving their homes, she promised that some of you may not get shot.
“We’re working on a system to let the snipers know when we give permission for a specific serf to leave their home, but until then, you’ll still have to take that risk. Some of you may get taken out. But, that’s a risk we’re just going to have to take.”
More info will be added as it comes in.